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Biggest fears

I’m afraid of so many things, I don’t even know where to start with this one! πŸ™ˆ

I suppose my biggest fear of all was the fear that I would never have a child of my own. The longer the infertility went on for, the worse the fear got. In fact, when our first IVF failed, I was certain childless was going to be my life and that terrified me. Being a mum was a huge dream of mine and to not know if it was going to come true… Killer.

Now I am a mum, it’s replaced by a whole crazier fear. Fear of losing Logan, or something happening to him. And its not a totally irrational fear, I’ve sadly known of too many parents who have lost their children, including close friends. I worry Logan may get lost in a shop or at the park or have an accident that means he is changed forever. I try to not wrap him in cotton wool but it’s hard. Having tried so hard to have him, I don’t know what I would do without him now!

I also have lots of ridiculous fears. Like ladybirds. I don’t even know why I’m as frightened of them as I am! They just totally freak me out! I don’t like birds flying over my head. I don’t like flies going too close to my ears. I don’t like spiders with the big fat bodies or the ones with the weird long thin legs. In fact, I’m just not keen on any of them! I’m scared of the dark… that fear is at least doubled after watching a horror movie! I’m scared of heights but even more terrified of falling.

I also have completely irrational thoughts with frighten me. My social anxiety is still so bad I assume everyone doesn’t like me so never talk about myself. Except for here. It’s alot easier to say what I want in writing than trying to do it face to face. And talking on the phone? Nope. I’m sorry but if you call me for a chat I usually just let it ring πŸ™ˆ I find it so hard to do. But I’m always at the end of a message πŸ’–

I hope I’m not alone with any of my fears! πŸ’™

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